WHAT REALLY IS FORGIVENESS?
September 24th, 2008 categories: Grazing Spiritual Pastures
We all know that in order to truly “learn” something, you have to go through a “big something” to get there. That’s true in the natural as well as the spiritual. Well, I’d have to say, for me, this last year has been “chock full of opportunities” for learning what real forgiveness is. Not sure why … but there have been an especially large amount of different hurtful scenarios this year … which brings me to my first point about Forgiveness:
The need for forgiveness comes from a wounding and you have to acknowledge that you are hurt.
It doesn’t matter whether the hurt is a single wound (the obvious procuring cause) or whether it be the procuring cause combined with a previous wound that has been aggravated. Regardless, you need to acknowledge that there’s a wound and wounds hurt! It’s silly to expect that if a person were to cut you with a knife, you could immediately look them in the face and say, “It’s OK. I forgive you! I won’t hold it against you.” Many people think that that is what forgiveness is. “Just suck it up and say it doesn’t matter!” Not so! Actually, we were made in God’s image to be people who feel hurt as well as joy, who cry as well as laugh. That is part of being human and it is not good for us in our humanity to deny or reject that.
Our wounds need to be tended to.
Most people never really learned good self care in life. Actually, that is part of being a healthy, maturing person. Most parents didn’t know how to do it themselves … so they didn’t teach it to their children. For the last six or so months, some friends and I have been focusing on what it means to “Return to Joy from Difficult Emotions.” That concept can be found at www.lifemodel.org. It’s a really interesting website with a lot of good information … but Returning to Joy from Anger is a skill we all need to work on.
Our natural response to a wounding is Anger.
When we respond in Anger, we cry out, “That’s wrong!!!!” On the surface, anger has a good purpose … to stir change: We say, “This must stop!” and we make it stop. However, anger (not dealt with properly) can also tap into (and attach to) a very DEEP part of what is often referred to as “our sin nature.” It’s called that because, left undealt with, it will cause any of us to sin.
Sin are ACTIONS that are rooted in seeing life ONLY though our own eyes (not God’s or any one else’s) and then rightfully (or self righteously) TAKING MATTERS INTO OUR OWN HANDS. I call this the “Kingdom of Self.” We are at the center. We dictate the rules. We condemn based on the rules. We enforce the rules. We become the Legislator, Judge, Jury, and Hangman and we’re at the center of all of it! The problem is that when we hurt and then take matters into our own hands, our actions more often than not will have negative results. The kingdom can work so long as all is going well for self … but when it doesn’t, OH BOY!
The truth is that we will never be able to walk in God’s Life if we are operating out of King Self. WE JUST AREN’T SEEING CLEARLY! And when you don’t see clearly, you can’t judge rightly! Especially not righteously!
The first step toward Forgiveness is to Acknowledge our Inability to See the Situation Accurately.
We only see in part. We don’t understand the motives of the other person’s heart … what stirred them … what their needs are … what their past is … What God is doing in their life or wants to do in their life, etc.
By acknowledging this, we do not EXCUSE the current wounding, what we see as right and wrong. We just acknowledge that we don’t see the whole picture.
The second step toward Forgiveness is to Acknowledge our Inability to Deal with the Situation Rightly (or Righteously).
God is the only one who sees perfectly and can judge RIGHTEOUSLY. Righteous judgment “RIGHTWISES” the situation. It redeems it … tries to bring good from the bad!
Face it! By ourselves, we just do not have the capacity to figure all of that out! All we tend to do is to try to bring about good for ourselves (e.g., we’re just taking care of “King Self”). And, the truth is that taking care of King Self just doesn’t really feel good to the soul. It feels like we had to TAKE something … and that does not feel good, does not feel like Life.
We must lay down our way and pick up God’s way of Living … the only way that “RIGHTWISES” the situation … truly brings righteousness.
The third step in Forgiveness is to use our Will Choice (the only power that we truly have in life) to RELEASE the other person to the LORD.
Forgiveness is actually a RELEASE. It’s as if you are releasing them into another person’s custody. We can willfully do this because we know that other person (the one we are releasing TO) is better suited to handle the situation. We know that the other person, God, can RIGHTWISE the situation, bring Life out of it … not just for me … but for ALL! Remember, God is concerned about all parties and we have to be OK with that too. It’s not as hard, though, if you think about it as a RELEASE!
The Final Step is to Tend to The Wound while looking for our Redemption.
Tending to the wound looks different for each person but the result is the same: There is a healing that enables us to move forward without bitterness. However, one thing for sure … we must not forget that God always responds to our response to Him. His goal is always relationship. We give Him something … He gives us something else in return. I’m not saying that we get to dictate how that Something will look. I am saying that He delights in our obedience and loves to reward it. God’s Life is an Exchanged Life.
So, after you respond to Him, don’t forget to ask Him what He has in return for you. He might bring you a real, delightful revelation of more of Him and His ways! He might give wisdom on how to restore the relationship! He might bring a new relationship! He might bring a new grace! Each scenario is different … but there’s always an exchange because He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6.
We are called to a Lifestyle of Forgiveness. The truth is that offenses actually imprison US, not the other person. Our unforgiveness keeps the pain aggravated … it keeps us from tending to the actual wound.
Aren’t you tired of being imprisoned by unforgiveness? Let us be a people who live a Lifestyle of Forgiveness. It’s oh so much free-er! Comments encouraged!
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